Melanie's Visit to China

It is mid-April now, and our public heat, a remnant of the communist regime, has been off for over two weeks. It’s finally starting to warm up, but there have been days that I wear my winter coat, scarf and long underwear in the house! Each city government determines their own start and end dates based on weather predictions, but as we all know, that’s guess work. We’ve had heat when we didn’t need it and no heat when we did. This year, our heat stayed on two extra weeks because it was especially cold this spring. If you’ve noticed, I haven’t complained at all about being cold, because there is so much to be thankful for in my life! We also live in a sixth floor apartment with great southern exposure, so when the heat was on, we were always warm and toasty. Many apartments here (even in our complex) are cold all winter! I am only mentioning it so that a.) you can know, b.) we can remember and c.) if you’ve ever been to China in the winter, you can empathize. I’m finally getting around to writing about Melanie’s visit to China. Although she spent time in Taiwan as a recent high school grad, it was her first time to the Mainland. Some of our best times were just wandering the streets in Beijing, Xi’an and Dalian in search of good street food. Beijing is old hat for our family (this was my sixth time), but it was such an exciting trip for all of us.
Ironically, while I was in Beijing in February with Erin, I learned that my cousin, Marsha, and her family were ending their two year adoption journey in Beijing at the same time as Melanie and I would be here. My dad’s older sister, Annette, would be accompanying them. We only had to tweak the schedule a little bit in order for all us to spend the day visiting the Great Wall and Forbidden City together. We all felt it was a God thing that we could rendezvous with them. Marsha was 8 years old when she first learned that her aunt and uncle (my parents) had adopted twin girls from Taiwan, planting the first adoption seed in her own mind. To be able to spend the day with both of us while she was in China to adopt her Annagrace was truly remarkable. Marsha married a Taiwanese American, Paul, and they have two biological boys, Josh and Caleb. She (like Melanie) has found joy in her life with boys, but there was always a little wish for a girl. Once she began her adoption research, she discovered that even with Paul’s Chinese heritage expediting their paperwork, they would have a long wait. Special needs children are often put on separate lists and are more readily available, so they began down that path.
I arrived in Beijing by train in the early a.m. hours with an 8 hour wait until Melanie’s plane arrived on the exact day that Marsha and Paul would be meeting Annagrace for the first time. She spent the first part of her young life in a desolate orphanage in southern China, but because of her cleft lip and palate, was moved to a Christian foster home in Beijing at the age of 15 months. It is in this environment that she has been thriving for over 3 years. I was lucky enough to be invited to join them in this intimate first meeting. The foster home was much like I imagined – a totally kid friendly, structured, nurturing environment. When we first walked in the door, Annagrace immediately recognized her family from their pictures. She ran to get the photo album that Marsha and Paul had sent ahead to point out her new family. While this was going on, there was another little girl saying, “I have a family, too! I have a mother and a father and siblings, too!” So precious! I think our favorite moment came when it was time to leave. The children were preparing to eat lunch, and Annagrace lead the prayer. Most of what she said was incoherent to Paul and me, but we caught fragments of thankfulness for her new family. Since Melanie’s plane was due to land at 2:00 p.m. on the same side of town as the foster home, I took a taxi straight to the airport and treated myself to Burger King for lunch! As time wore on, I became increasingly anxious about Melanie and her boys. Finally, around 4:00 p.m., I caught sight of Brady’s head floating above the crowd and was able to relax. We spent the evening hanging out in an old Beijing courtyard hotel. The boys weren’t coherent enough to go out to eat, so Harris and I went in search of food to bring back to the hotel.
The next day, Mark and the kids arrived at the hotel around 7:00 a.m., after taking the overnight train from Dalian. We gathered with Marsha’s gang and boarded a private bus for the Great Wall and the Summer Palace. It was so much fun to be with the second cousins. Highlights included tobogganing off the Great Wall, rock climbing (there was no sign saying they couldn’t!) at the Summer Palace, and celebrating Saylor’s birthday near the Olympic venues. We ended the day at a really nice restaurant within walking distance of our hotel. Melanie and I, along with all of our kids, had overnight train tickets to Xi’an, while Mark was taking a plane back to Dalian. At the very last minute, we realized that we needed to take 3 taxis to the train station, but only had two adults. I convinced Mark that he would have time to deliver us to the train station AND make it back to the subway where he could quickly get to the airport. If everything went smoothly, he would have made it with time to spare. We didn’t account for the horrific post rush hour traffic, although we should have known better. Mark got to the airport with less than 30 minutes before departure and by all accounts should not have been allowed on the plane. Not only did he make the flight, but the huge suitcase full of American goods that Melanie brought for us, made it on the plane as well. We should now take a moment of silence, however, for the 4 cans of black olives and 2 bottles of Hershey’s dark chocolate syrup that were confiscated at security. Tragic! I was so nervous for Mark as Melanie and I settled onto the train, but got a call around 11:30 p.m., saying everything went well. Luckily, we couldn’t pre-book the standard hard sleepers (2nd class) that our family usually takes, and HAD to take soft sleepers (1st class). It worked out perfectly so that our families took up two complete compartments with doors that closed. In China, privacy on a train is so rare!
In the morning when we got off the train, we felt like won the lottery when a very nice Chinese woman (with good English skills) offered to take all ten of us and our luggage from the train station to our hotel for only $3 US. This would save us from having to take 3 taxis to a location we weren't familiar with. It turns out it was a guide service (should have know better), and we ended up negotiating transportation to the terracotta warriors. She explained that we could pick and choose which sights we went to and how much time we spent at each site. The guide who showed up to take us (we didn’t even want a guide) was pushy and loud and only spoke Chinese, which meant I had to do double duty of translating and decision making. I told her we only wanted to go to the terracotta warriors and back, but she insisted that we go to the emperor’s burial mound. I spent fifteen minutes debating with her, and she finally wore me down. She insisted we needed to go there to understand the whole story of why this emperor would need to bury a whole army of terracotta soldiers. After we paid the $40 US admission fee, we came to a stand of golf carts where she said we needed to pay $10 US more to ride the cart. I politely declined, but she said we needed to in order to see everything. At that point, I was out of patience. I grabbed my money out of her hands and said we were leaving (there really wasn't much to see anyway). We were only 50 feet beyond the threshold of the entrance, but two men who were "in charge" came over and demanded the money. I explained that our guide hadn't explained the hidden costs, and that we didn't want to be there. They immediately confiscated her guide certificate. This whole time, I was still playing double duties trying to get out of this situation and helping Melanie and her kids buy trinkets. Apparently, Harris was rooting for a fight! The guide's lip began to quiver and she begged us to go in, saying we didn't need to take the cart; we could see everything just fine without it. This turned out to be true, because there was nothing to see in the first place. Although they have done some preliminary research on what lies below the surface of the mound, not much has been uncovered. I should have listened to the Lonely Planet on this one. The next unexpected stop was a jade factory store which the guide insisted she was required to stop at. Melanie decided to stay in the van with a sleepy child, while we went in to learn all about jade. The show room was huge, with at least 40 clerks milling around. We were the only tourists to have fallen into the trap at the time, so they were all willing to work with us. I had made my mind up to not buy anything even before we went in, but the girls who had birthdays found some jewelry that they HAD to have. Since we’d already started a tab, Melanie and I were compelled to buy some beautiful “twin” bracelets made out of adjacent pieces of jade, a choice neither of us will ever regret, even if we paid too much.
We finally made it to the terracotta warriors, after a quick pit stop of homemade bread and jam. It’s been fifteen years since I was there, and they have really spiffed up the place. I remembered bad translations and poorly lit displays that had a tunnel or lean-to feel to them. Now, the warriors have magnificent permanent structures built over them, although the excavations are still not finished. The farmer who found the warriors was even on hand for autographs. Last summer, Saylor accompanied our friend, Bill, to Xi’an, so she put herself in charge of the tour, deciding which buildings to see first. Even with all the good signs and top rate tour guide, we still walked away without really understanding the whole thing.
We flew back to Dalian and spent the last few days of their stay relaxing and eating good food. My kids went back to school and I attended morning classes while the Nichols boys and Melanie explored the local surroundings. Melanie did a good job refilling her bags with Chinese gifts after we unloaded the comforts from home that she brought us. It’s been twenty years now since we’ve spent time together in Asia. Our mom gave us plane tickets to Taiwan as a graduation present from high school, and our expenses in Taiwan were covered by the Taiwanese government. At that time, we were two all American girls with wide eyes who didn’t really understand our Chinese heritage. We’d practically grown up denying it. We’ve come so far since those days of eating mostly white rice and onion bread. It was such a treat to show her our lives here and see her heart growing bigger to make a little room for Chinese culture and family.

Our Adoption Story

Many of you have asked to hear Melanie and my whole adoption saga, so I’ll start from the beginning. My adoptive parents, Nancy and Dennis Moller, moved to Taipei, Taiwan in 1972 with our older brother, Matt, who was just a year old. Shortly after arriving for their teaching assignments at a Christian school, my mom started looking for a baby to adopt. They raised support as short term missionaries and were affiliated with TEAM – The Evangelical Alliance Mission. Adopting was something that she was interested in doing even before they had Matt, but my dad insisted on refining the art of parenting on a biological child first. While at a church meeting, a couple of new friends heard their prayer request. The man was a doctor and the head of a hospital in Taipei. The very next day, in a conversation with a fellow doctor who had flown in from Puli Christian Hospital, he learned about twin girls who needed a home. On the way to Puli (beautiful mountainous area in the middle of Taiwan, now a huge tourist destination) by train, my dad kept saying “I only want one”. When they arrived, the Norwegian nurse, who was a twin herself, didn’t want us to be split up. She cleverly put one of us in my mom’s arms and the other in my dad’s arms. My dad looked at the baby in his arms (in my mind, that baby was me) and said, “Let’s take them both.” In reality, he was probably holding Melanie, because I was smaller, sickly and covered in a rash. My mother was ready to take us home then and there, but our paperwork was not in order. It took another 8 weeks to get all the correct signatures and official stamps, but we came home in time for Christmas. At the signing of the documents, after our birth father had been located, my adoptive parents met my birth parents. I didn’t know this fact until I was in 5th grade and my dad said, “Okay, this is as tall as you’re going to get, because this is how tall your birth parents are!” Where was the photo documenting this monumental moment, you ask? It never occurred to my parents to take a picture until I asked the question! Another interesting fact is that they weren’t even supposed to adopt according to TEAM’s guidelines. But ever the renegade, my mother acted like she wasn’t aware of the rules and invited all of TEAM’s leaders over for a visit after we came home. It didn’t take long before everyone was willing to look away about that particular rule. A year and a half later, they had my sister, Mia, and we moved to the US shortly after. We lived in West Lafayette, Indiana while my mom worked on her three masters and a PhD at Purdue. My dad was the guidance counselor at a local junior high and the light of our world. My youngest brother, Mark, was adopted at 5 months old keeping that same close spacing in age. He was so cute and fat with his curly brown hair and green eyes that we wanted to “squeeze him ‘til he popped.” With a career mother and a nurturing father and the wide range in skin color, we were anything but normal in the 1970s. When we were on vacation (which is something my parents did really well), people would often ask what organization we were. We’d just look at each and shrug, “we’re a family”! For most of my childhood, my dad’s sister, Bonnie, lived and taught in Taiwan, following in her big brother’s footsteps. As a career missionary, she is now finishing up her tenure in Macau, but because of her, we always felt a connection to Taiwan. Our standard mealtime prayer went like this: Dear God, thank you for this food and for the nice day and be with Aunt Bonnie in Taiwan, Amen. Even with this connection, it never occurred to us to try to find our birth family.
My second chance at looking for them was in the summer of 1991 when Melanie and I went to Taiwan as a graduation present from high school from my mom. The Overseas Compatriot Youth Formosa Study Tour is for college age kids of Taiwanese decent living abroad. It was 5 weeks of intense language and one week of traveling around the island. When Addison graduates from high school, please remind me that 18 is too young to be left to one’s own devices in a foreign country. The tour took me to Sun Moon Lake, close to my birthplace. As I stood atop a tall pagoda, looking at the beautiful landscape, I thought of them and knew they were probably within my line of sight. I didn’t have the money, language skills or time away from the tour to make any movement towards finding them. In hindsight, I just don’t think any of us (on the American side of the ocean) where ready for it.
Now at this point in the story, I have a lot of conflicting information. Most is not relevant, but it goes to show that memories are fuzzy and fickle. My mother recently gave me an article that she wrote in the 1980s about our adoption. I have vague memories of reading it years ago, but a lot of it seemed like brand new information. The story I’ve always told people is that my parents first saw us at two weeks and were adopted at two months, not six weeks and three months, respectively. Last week, my mom told me that the only money they paid was $20 US for a taxi to pick up my birth father to sign documents and take him home. In my birth mother’s cassette, she says she couldn’t take us home because they couldn’t pay the hospital fees. She was under the impression that my American parents paid them. Did my parent’s adopt and dash? My birth mother never mentions the fact that we were girls as a reason to abandon us, only lack of money and ability. As it was a Christian hospital, whose mission was to reach out to Taiwanese people, I can’t imagine that they wouldn’t allow a mother to take her children home for lack of money. Is this the least shameful reason she can give us?
I think my first unconscious effort to find my birth family was in college. One of the reasons I chose Manchester College, besides the excellent financial aid package, was their exchange program with a school in China. They also were able to offer Chinese language courses through Ohio State and a Chinese tutor on campus. Even though I graduated with a Bachelors of Arts with Chinese as my language requirement, my Chinese was lacking. Five months was not enough time to solidify the complicated language in my sized brain. Marrying Mark, and then making the decision to raise our children bilingually, has also played a factor. When we knew that we wanted to come to China, I approached my sister about finding our birth family. She was less than enthusiastic about it. There are always concerns when an adopted child finds his or her birth family. If you find them, you risk feeling rejected a second time. On top of that, what if the birth family comes with a host of financial or emotional burdens? It is a risk, but I was willing to take it, even if Melanie was not supportive. When we hosted a Chinese teacher for the 2005-2006 school year, I had He Yuejun look at our birth documents. They are written in the old characters, but she was able to read them. It was the first time I realized that I had my birth parents names and their address this whole time! As we started to plan our move to China, I developed a plan of action. I would wait until we lived in China to begin the search. Perhaps someone would know someone who could help us. This is the Chinese concept of 关系 (guanxi) or connections. After we had settled in Dalian, I started to think about the steps we needed to take in order to find them within our 18 month commitment in China. I had a sinking feeling when I tried to think where I had put the documents. I had no memory of packing them. We went through all of our papers here, only to come to the conclusion that we’d left them in storage in Portland. I frantically called Melanie and my mom to see if they had copies. I was crushed when they looked and couldn’t find any helpful details. My only hope was that He Yuejun remembered the names from looking at the documents three years earlier. When we were in her hometown in July 2009, it felt as if fate had closed the door on my search. In August, Mark went to Portland on business and remarkably found the documents! They hadn’t been put into a storage locker like we dreaded, but rather were with other important documents in some friends’ garage. The very next week after he came back from the US, he went on what would be his only business trip to Taiwan. He shared Melanie and my story and documents with the Taiwanese co-worker, Joseph Hung, who was traveling around Taiwan with him. Not only was Mr. Hung interested in helping, but was actually excited about it. His father was buried near my birthplace, making it a place that he is very familiar with, visiting at least four times a year. On February 18, 2010, just four days after Spring Festival, the most important reunion holiday in Chinese cultural, Mr. Hung met with my birth mother and oldest birth sister. He had already done some preliminary investigating on the financial conditions before he told the family of his connection to us. I think he went through public records to discover my birth father had died and my birth mother collected a farmer’s pension from the Taiwanese government. There were no financial requirements needed in my mind to determine whether to contact them or not, though it was important for Mr. Hung to check out this information. Last week, I received a package containing two pictures and a cassette tape, which has been translated (and dissected). After hearing the contents, Melanie told me thank you for giving her something that she didn’t even know she wanted. We are planning to go to Taiwan either in May or June (or maybe even March), as soon as we work out the details. Melanie and her husband would like to join our family (Mark, kids and me) for this trip. It would be so great if her whole family could be with us, but Melanie and her boys have already made plans to visit us in China at the end of this month. There is a slight chance that Melanie and I could slip away for the weekend, but that would leave Mark alone with eight kids. If any male can handle it, I think it’s Mark. I’m thrilled that my adoptive mom is eager to share in this reunion and that she has the time and the means to make the trip. The rest is history in the making, and I’ll be sure to document it with stories and pictures.

The Translation of the Transcript of the Cassette Tape that was Converted into a CD

Whew! Did you get that?
Background:
A cassette tape came in a package from Mark’s co-worker, along with two pictures. One was the picture of Melanie and me that our adoptive mom sent to the hospital where we were born. It was given to my birth mother when she went to the hospital to find information about us. The second photo was a picture of my birth mother and three sisters taken in December 1983. In my opinion, no other proof of relationship was needed besides this picture. My oldest birth sister looks almost exactly like me. I think she looks more like me that my twin sister! I had to laugh, though, because each of the sisters had a hairstyle that I (sadly) also sported at one point or another in my childhood. I was also surprised that they looked rather modern. My perception of my birth family (given to me by my adoptive family) was that they were extremely poor. I always imagined they lived in a hut with no running water or electricity. My second birth sister has earrings, sunglasses and long nails painted red! Because we don’t have a working cassette player, I had the tape converted into a CD. The woman who runs the small bookstore where I had the tape copied was funny. I told her that the tape was very precious, like gold, and asked her to be careful with it. I knew that she would have to listen to the tape in order to make the copy, so I filled her in on a little of my background. When she learned that the tape contained my birth mother’s voice, she told me not to worry and that she’d take good care if it. Her friend, who was in the store chatting with her when I came in, piped in and said this was “a big deal”, and comforted me by saying the shopkeeper was very good at her job. I went back the next day to pick it up, and the shopkeeper tried to keep a professional manner. I asked if she listened to it, and she said “just a little”. I expressed my concerns about not being able to understand my birth mother’s dialect, and she proceeded to tell me the contents of the tape, adding each detail with more enthusiasm. When I listened the first time, I got the big picture, even though her accent is harsh and unfamiliar. We’ve listened to it over and over and played it for various friends who’ve been to our house to glean every ounce of information we can find. Each person who listens to it, has added another surprising detail, or helped us to understand the meaning within the words. It was spoken in letter form, so I sometimes refer to it as “the letter” or CD.


Part 1: Hello everyone. I am Zhang Xiumei (Elegant Beauty), the twins’ mother. In the 99th year of the Republic of China1, February 16, Mr. Hung2 called to tell me that you are looking for me. I am very happy…so happy. First, I want to ask, how are your American parents doing? At this time, I want to tell you why you were abandoned. It was not on purpose and very difficult for me. I delivered you naturally and was very tired. I had no money for a C-section, but I needed one. I almost died. I had no ability to take care of you. These Americans came to adopt you. I didn’t know that they would take you so far away3 because they lived in Taiwan at the time. They took you to the United States. I went to the place where you lived in Taipei to look for you, but you had moved. I didn’t know how to find you. I also went to the hospital where you were born, but the hospital administrator wouldn’t4 tell me where you were. I asked many times, but he wouldn’t tell me. After awhile, he gave me this picture5. Now, I give you this picture6. At that time, we were too poor. The hospital bill was paid by your American parents. At that time, the hospital bill was not small. We didn’t have any money to pay for it. At that time, we didn’t have any insurance. Also, the two twins stayed in the hospital and were cared for by the staff, so it was expensive. This was all paid by your American parents. We had no ability to pay for the hospital bill. Also, my health was not good after giving birth to you, so I had no ability to care for you, so everything fell to your father Lin Yongbiao (Brave Standard), who wouldn’t take responsibility. I don’t want to talk of this person. This is why we had to let you go. I don’t want to talk of that person, he’s not on this earth; he has passed away. Don’t talk of him. That’s all for now. Bye-Bye.
Part 2: Mr. Hung called to tell me that you plan to come. I am so, so happy. Mr. Hung has told me a little bit of your information. I am very thankful that the American son-in-law7 had the heart to find me. I am very thankful. I want to freely speak. Finding you has been from the heart. I don’t want any benefit or advantage. I just want to see you, look at you, no other purpose. No matter how many relatives come, they are all welcome. I want to pay for your plane tickets. When you want to come, call me. My phone number is 0492910177. My cell phone number is 0919805916. You are welcome to call me. Thank you all. That’s all for now.
1 The 99th year of the Republic of China is 2010.
2 Joseph Hung is Mark’s co-worker in Taiwan who graciously volunteered to find our birth family.
3 To the United States.
4 It is unclear whether the administrator was unable or unwilling to share information with her.
5 A picture of Melanie and me.
6 I think she sent the picture as proof that she is our birth mother, but after seeing my oldest birth sister’s picture, no other proof is needed.
7 That’d be Mark Neher, my sweet husband.
8 I think she said this because it was Mark who shared our adoption story with his co-worker and is thankful that he is supportive.

Reactions to my Birth Mother's Letter

1.) My main reason for finding my birth family was to simply and humbly tell them “thank you” for the opportunities I’ve had in my life. I’ve vacillated between thinking there were selfish and selfless motivations for abandoning us. I was told that my birth father cursed my birth mother for giving him twin daughters instead of a son, especially since he already had three daughters. My adoptive parents called us a double happiness (囍), which is actually the traditional symbol of marriage in Chinese. Part of me also hoped that maybe they knew that these “rich” Americans could offer us a better life, a life where our bellies would always be full and opportunities for education would not be a privilege, but a requirement. It wasn’t until I was in Taiwan on a language and cultural study tour (aka The Love Boat) at the age of eighteen that I ever thought of my birth family as selfless. I had never spent much time in the company of other Asians as a child, besides Mel, except for the 2 year stint in Houston in middle school. I was too busy assimilating. I was telling a friend about being adopted with the “cursed for being a girl” story, and he told me that family is the most important thing to Chinese, and that it must have been the hardest thing our birth mother had ever done. It had honestly never occurred to me before. Even knowing now that my birth mother felt she had no other choice, I am grateful that they did offer us up for adoption.
2.) I can’t believe that I will be able to communicate with my birth mother in Chinese. When we first moved here, I had three motivating reasons for learning Chinese: to set a good example for my children, to be able to communicate with Carolyn’s* daughter in the southern city of Zunyi, China, and to be able to communicate with my birth family IF the opportunity should arise. I didn’t know what ethnic group my birth family belonged to, so I didn’t know if learning Mandarin was in vain. There are aboriginal Taiwanese on the island, plus immigrants from mainland China and all over Southeast Asia. We knew they were farmers, which lead me to believe that they likely spoke Taiwanese. Rural people would be less likely to speak a standard dialect. For example, when we were in Zunyi, it was difficult to communicate with anyone but Carolyn, her immediate family and the younger generation. All extended family spoke a local dialect to each other. They could understand Mandarin, because all radio and TV broadcasts are Mandarin, but they couldn’t speak it.
3.) I love my birth mother’s voice. She has a soft spoken manner that made me want to know her better. There is a story in her voice, and I want to hear it. She was very humble, but not apologetic. I don’t think there is anything to apologize for, but I was surprised that she didn’t speak directly of regret. She simply spoke about a painful time. The Chinese expression for hardship is “eating bitter”. I believe that is what she was trying to express. When I asked Melanie if she wanted to hear it, her first reaction was “no, it will sound like yelling to me”. I played the CD for her, and without even understanding the words, she could hear the gentle sing-song quality of her voice.
4.) The fact that she sent a tape rather than a letter is interesting. My first instinct is to say that she might be illiterate. Our birth sisters would have been able to pen a letter, though. The second thought was that she knew we’d have an easier time listening to the Chinese rather than trying to read the tradition Chinese characters that are used in Taiwan versus the simplified characters of mainland China which Mark and I have studied.
5.) I loved sharing the CD with my husband and my kids. The day it was ready, Mark came home for lunch especially to hear the CD. Not only has he been supportive of my journey, but has played a major role in finding them. When Coleman heard the CD, he kept saying, “I have no clue what she’s saying”. All the girls really understood and contributed to translating. I watched their faces specifically for their reaction to my birth mother offering to pay for our plane tickets, no matter how many relatives came. The girls were as surprised and touched as I was.
6.) Our birth mother looked for us. Everything else disappears when I think that our birth mother looked for us. We were not the product of a dirty little secret nor were we the forgotten throw away babies. Our picture sat on top of their TV. This has shaken the very core of Mel and my beliefs about our birth family.
7.) Even though our birth mother looked for us, I’m glad that we weren’t found as children. It would have conflicted my childhood to know that a birth family missed me. It’s not clear if she just wanted to know that we were okay or if she was hoping to take us home. I also think that I wouldn’t have been ready to find them before this. The order of events has God’s signature written all over it. Being a mother and having a mother’s capacity for love has really been the best preparation for this moment.
8.) I thank God for the life I have and could not imagine it any other way with any other family. I love my family so much.
9.) Melanie and I both have always had a difficulty with pronouns, mixing up “he, she, him, and her”. Once I learned that Chinese doesn’t differentiate between genders in the spoken language (only written), I attributed it to genetics. We have both noticed that we sometimes aren’t sure how to address the birth family. I have a tendency to say my, I mean our birth family, while Melanie refers to them as “the” or your birth family. I don’t mean to exclude Melanie in my language, but I think I have mentally prepared for this for such a long time and it has been a solitary journey. When I speak of them to people who don’t know Melanie (or even that there is a Melanie), I say my. Melanie’s pronoun issue most likely has been her defense mechanism. She hasn’t meant it to be disrespectful, but never felt a connection to them.
10.) Melanie's reaction to our birth family all hinged on the cassette. She needed to know our birth mother’s heart before she opened up hers. I don’t blame her, though. Here she is as neither the person looking for nor the person being found by her birth family. That is a unique and awkward position. However, it’s been rewarding to watch Melanie’s heart for our birth family change. When I first told her I wanted to find our birth family about ten years ago, she was opposed to the idea. She went as far as saying things like, “Marcie, you need to consider how this will affect me!”, and “Are you going to be able to walk away from them if they are needy?” Two days ago, she thanked me. She surprised even herself when she realized this is something she wants, too. We are definitely an “our”, now.
11.) I can’t help but stare at these pictures. Did my birth mother stare at the picture of Melanie and me, like I stare at the picture of them, looking for clues? Did she notice that we have their hands? Did she approve of our healthy hair and coloring? Did she notice the big wad of chewing gum in Melanie’s mouth? I went as far as using googlemaps to confirm that this picture was taken outside our old house in West Lafayette. When I look at their picture, I see a tight-knit group. They look healthy and well-fed. I wonder where my birth father was at the time of the picture. Had he already died, was he working in the fields, or was he not part of the family anymore? Melanie and I were two blind mice before laser surgery. I always imagined that our birth family would need coke bottles, too. Where are their glasses? I look at my oldest sister and see myself in her eyes, smile and hands. My birth mother looks sad. Was this her natural picture face or was it reflecting a lifetime of sadness?
12.) Never in a million years could I accept plane tickets from my birth family, but that it was probably the most powerful part of her letter. For me, it reflects a genuine and strong desire to see us. She speaks of finding us in a way that can only be mutual. I asked the kids’ tutors if they thought it was a gesture or symbol rather than a real offer, but they thought that our birth mother is serious. It’s unclear whether they have the means to pay for plane tickets, if they’d be calling in a lifetime of favors or if they’d go into debt to pay for it. What matters is that they offered. This is the greatest gift I could never accept that has been offered to me in my life.
13.) I am so excited and proud to introduce family to my birth family. It’s remarkable to me that my husband and children will be able to communicate with my birth mother, sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins or whoever else we may meet. We will also be able to act as interpreters for Melanie and her family.
14.) My adoptive mom has been so supportive in this whole process. She booked her frequent flyer ticket as soon as we told her our tentative plans. I had to tell her to hold off, since we still aren’t sure which dates will work the best for our schedules yet. I am happy that she will be there for the reunion. I have now lived more years without my adoptive dad than with him, but I still miss him so much, and am sad that he won't be a part of this, too. I have never felt any connection to my birth father. I’m not sure if I will have the chance to meet any of his relatives while we are in Taiwan, but it would be nice to hear stories of him that don’t put him in a bad light.
* Carolyn was the visiting Chinese teacher that lived with our family during the 2005-1006 school year. She left behind a daughter who is about Saylor’s age. We spent time with them in their hometown of Zunyi in the summer of 2009.

Export Elevator Project

Here are construction photos of the grain export elevator project in Longview, Washington that I (Mark) have been involved in for the past 5 years, and is the primary purpose for our transfer to China. Construction started in June 2009 and is expected to complete in Fall 2011. It is the first grain export terminal to be built in the USA since 1983. Growing export demand, fueled by economic growth in Asia, in addition to the (USA) agricultural industry's propensity to continuously expand production, has prompted the need for more grain handling capacity. It is exciting to the project move forward into reality. The silo tanks seen in the photos are 140 feet tall and will altogether hold just under 5 million bushels of grain & oilseeds. The first set of 12 was complete in November, and 2nd set in December. The final set will be complete next month.

Alayna is playing the first violin part of the Concerto for Two Violins by Johann Sebastian Bach, with her teacher, Qiao Laoshi, on second violin. She polished this piece just as she was transitioning to a full size violin, so there are a few intonation problems. She performed the second violin part to the same song just before we moved here last February (see March 2009 blog). My video camera battery made it to the 3rd to last note of the song, so if you make it all the way through (it's pretty long!), you'll have to hum the last two notes.

Lanie also plays the traditional Chinese string instrument called the Erhu. Her teacher says she's the fastest learner he's ever taught, but that comes from her years of violin (and viola) training. It's the logical choice for a string player because it is also tuned in 5ths. I tried to rotate this video, but apparently there are limitations to our video camera (or the operator!).

Halloween Party

Ok, ok, we are a bit late posting our Halloween party story. Sorry. We are going to attempt to catch up. The kids spent several weeks planning a Halloween party, preparing several games, making decorations, and inviting many friends. Originally scheduled for Saturday, October 31, the actually Halloween night, we were forced to postpone the party 1 week due to the H1N1 outbreak, which caused many people, kids and adults alike, to stay home sick.

When the day finally came over 30 friends, the majority kids, joined the party for an evening filled with fun. The kids had a grand time playing host and leading games. Games included: Mummy rap, Pin the nose on a pumpkin, How many beans in the bottle, Cake walk, Balloon stomp, Musical chairs, and Hide & seek--i.e. Trick or Treat (in the dark). Plenty of candy and prizes were awarded to all. Fun abounded as many of our guests experienced a Halloween party for the first time. The evening was concluded with a concert performed by the kids and various musically talented guests.

The Three Gorges

After the the Three Gorges Dam (nearly 200 meters tall) was built, the water behind the dam has risen to 150 to 175 meters higher that before, depending on the time of year. Officially 1.2 million people have been displaced as a result, either moving to higher ground, to nearby cities, or entirely out of the region. The river is buzzing with activity, with multiple ships of all sizes and types (including 10,000 ton ocean-going vessels) carrying cargo and people anywhere between Shanghai and Chongqing, 1440 km (900 miles) in distance.

Although some people claim that the scenery has been negatively impacted by the dam, we were all treated to 4 days of spectacular beauty and pleasant weather.

Three Gorges Dam

During our trip with Mark's brother Mike and nephew Jonah, we spent four days on a Yangtze River cruise from Yichang, just west of Wuhan, upriver to Chongqing. The highlight of day 1 was the Three Gorges Dam, the world's largest hydroelectric project. Our boat spent 4 hours going through 5 locks, moving up 150 meters. Here pictures of the dam, the locks, and Coleman on deck while we were rising inside one of the locks.

The Rock Star

In late September Mark's brother Mike and nephew Jonah came to visit and travel for two and half weeks. In addition to the week off for National Day (October 1-8), Mark took vacation time, so the whole family could travel. Our trip included a river cruise on the Yangtze River, 4 days in Guiling/Yangshuo, and a day in Beijing on the way home.

On the river cruise, Mike told us of a story how Jonah had become known as the "rock star". During our travels, we quickly came to understand why. Everywhere we went Jonah had a knack of engaging others in conversation. For instance, on the boat, he exerted independence during the evening entertainment, sitting among complete strangers. Afterwards or the following day, those who sat next to Jonah would approach us. They all commented what a delight Jonah was, and what wonderful conversation they had. Jonah's smile and sense of humor were contagious bringing smiles to those all around.

Jonah thoroughly enjoyed the food, particularly the meat and spicy dishes, such as "Hot Pot" in Chongqing (see picture above), which is famous for the numbing spicy pepper flavor.

More than once, Mike commented that he brought the right child to China. Despite all the differences compared to home, Jonah fit right in. He was such a joy! We are so glad both Mike and Jonah were able to come.

South Korea

In mid-October I (Mark) joined a trip sponsored by my employer to South Korea. Along with several colleagues, we spent 2 days on Jeju Island, about an hour by airplane south of Seoul, and 2 days back in Seoul. Jeju's latitude is similar to Shanghai and Houston, Texas. Due to the warmer climate, beautiful beaches, and quiet atmosphere, Jeju is one of Korea's most famous tourist destinations.

Orange harvest was in full swing during my visit, with street vendors marketing them everywhere. My hopes of transporting a couple boxes of these very sweet Mandarin Orange type tangerines back to Dalian were dashed when our tour guide reminded me that China will not allow them through customs. So, I had to settle for orange chocolate instead.

In Seoul our group included many shopping enthusiasts, eager to purchase name-brand anything for friends and family back in China. I was reminded just how much I loathe shopping, especially for conspicuous consumption. Several of my colleagues told me that in Korea such items are much cheaper than in China, mainly due to a difference in import taxes. So there was reason to their madness, but seemed a bit amusing to me--similar to the wonderment of chartered airplanes filled with shoppers flying into Minneapolis just to go shopping at the Mall of America OR New Yorkers flying to Paris to go shopping for the weekend.

Since I was the only American among a mostly Chinese group (2 Japanese colleagues were also part of the group), I think I was the only one to appreciate the Korean War Museum. The picture you see is a statute of 2 Korean brothers who fought in the war, one fought for the North and one fought for the South. As you can imagine this civil war had and still has huge impact on Koreans. Moving through the museum, I got a clear sense of the camaraderie between the Korean and the American soldiers who fought together. Also having a keen sense how each side has its own perspective, I mentally noted how different this museum depicts the war than the memorials we visited in Dandong, China, which borders North Korea.

Korea's history is heavily influenced by China, including architecture, former ways of feudalistic governing, Confucius philosophy, etc. However, the past 60 years have seen a huge influx of Western, especially American, influences such as democracy, Christianity, and a market economy.

I returned home (in Dalian) feeling a deep connection between South Korea and America that I don't feel in any other Asian country that I have visited.

Zebra Crossing

As we were riding in a van through the streets of Zunyi, Mark quizzed the kids to see if they knew the name for a crosswalk in Chinese. Since none of them knew, he explained to them that it’s called a斑马线 (Ban Ma Xian), which literally means “zebra stripes”. Chinese translations for western concepts often sound similar to the English counterpart (transliteration), such as 咖啡 (kafei, pronounced kahfay) for coffee. The modern word for computer, it is a logical translation; 电脑 (diannao) means electric brain. The Chinese word for crosswalk is visual, which Mark found amusing and wanted to share with the kids. Mark heard giggles and Lanie’s little voice from the back seat say, “Oh, that makes sense”. When he pressed her about what she meant, she explained that she’d seen a sign that said “Zebra Crossing”, and had even pointed it out to Saylor. Of course, we all wanted to see the sign after that. It wasn’t very hard to do, as they were up and down the main streets. Our driver could not understand why we asked him to pull over for a photo. Even when we explained it, he didn’t seem to think it was funny.

Trains, Planes, and Automobiles

When we first arrived in Dalian, we had good intentions of contacting our friend, Carolyn, who lives in the southern province of Guizhou in the city of Zunyi. Carolyn was the visiting Chinese teacher who lived with us in Portland for the 2005-2006 school year. Armed with only her email address, we were disappointed after numerous attempts to contact her were left unanswered. Of course, she had given us all her contact information, but it was sitting in storage in Portland. I racked my brain to see if there was anyone who would possibly have more information than us. My only hope was to go through AFS, the exchange program that facilitated Carolyn’s stay. Sally Ann, the volunteer coordinator, was thrilled to help, as she loves these kinds of reunions and had just the information we needed. The next day, I was able to call Carolyn at her home and began to make plans to visit her and her family. She had been expecting our call, but hadn’t checked her English email account in months. During her 10 months in the US, she left behind her husband and daughter, who is Saylor’s age. We were eager to meet them and her extended family. We coordinated our trip with our friend’s (Bill Geister) arrival. For the past few months, we’ve been asking parents and teachers about the dates for the kids’ last day of school. The frustrating reply was always, “We still haven’t been notified, but maybe around July 10.” We went ahead and made plans according to that information, only to find out that school didn’t officially get out until July 21! We ended up pulling them out early, but even that was very anticlimactic, since Lanie was the only kid in her class on the 16th! All the other families just stopped coming after final testing was finished.
Thursday night, July 15, Bill and I left on the overnight train to Beijing, with the rest of the family following the next night. We thought this was the best plan, since our family was in Beijing in May and already visited the main tourist attractions. Bill and my sleeper bunks were initially separated by 5 train cars, which would make meeting up the next morning very difficult. After I dropped him off in his car (there was a large group of teachers from Inner Mongolia who didn’t want to split up, but were kind enough to help him out), I went to see if there anyone on my car who was willing to trade. As I left, I tucked Mark’s business card with my cell number in his shirt pocket, and told him I felt like I was leaving my baby on the first day of kindergarten. He said I worried too much. In my car, a very nice woman asked if I could help her out. She had friends in Bill’s car and wanted to trade tickets! After the train started rolling, Bill was surprised when I showed up in his car, although he was doing just fine on his own. He’d been offered a middle berth (a very nice gesture, since we were only able to buy top berths which are even difficult for me to get in and out of), and by the morning, he’d made friends with the teachers, using the English teacher as the translator. As soon as the train rolled in, the rain started. By the time we got in line for a taxi, it was pouring. The taxi line wasn’t moving very quickly, so we floated to the subway ticket line which didn’t move at all (too many people cutting) and back to the taxi line. Apparently, indecision is my specialty! During this time, many entrepreneurs were approaching “the foreigner and his interpreter” offering to take us to our hotel for 100 RMB ($15 US or 5x the going rate). That just made us more determined to stand out in the rain! After we were thoroughly drenched, we decided to move away from the train station and see if we could snag a taxi at a hotel or on a busy street. After walking for about 20 minutes, we found an empty taxi. At first, the driver said that he couldn’t go to our hotel. We offered 50 RMB, but he said it wasn’t a money problem, but that he couldn’t go to our hotel. My imagination got away from me, and I started to think about the Chinese mafia and ancient lines that were drawn. He then offered to help us by making a phone call, and started to put our luggage in his car. It was only after the car started to move that I understood he was taking us to our hotel. In my limited Chinese, I had misunderstood “didn’t know how to get there” for “couldn’t go”. A simple phone call and a 10 minute taxi ride brought us right to the doorstep of our hotel (close to Tiananmen), and the driver would only charge us the metered fair of 20 RMB! After we dried out, we spent the rest of the afternoon walking in and around Tiananmen and the Forbidden City. The rain had slowed to a drizzle, but because of the rain and the late start, we decided to find an indoor activity for the evening. Our hotel was able to arrange tickets and transportation to the Beijing Acrobats. We had choices of tickets ranging from 180 to 680 RMB ($25 to $100 US), and were glad that we chose the cheap seats because we ended up in the sixth row with a perfect view. We were both in awe of the performance, especially since some of the performers were as young my kids’ age!
As I was brushing my teeth that night, I laughed out loud to myself, imagining Mark (the foreigner) and his four kids on the overnight train to Beijing. We are already a tourist attraction in and of ourselves, but a father with four kids must have been a sight! Their trip was uneventful, and we easily met up with them and our friends staying in Beijing (the Pan-Weiss family) at the train station the following morning. Georgette Pan graciously offered to charter a van to take our large group to a different section of the Great Wall that our family has not explored. It was a little further from Beijing, but the distance paid off in a smaller crowd at the Wall. Addison had a heat related problem on the climb up the wall (even though we took a cable car most of the way up), and it was amusing to watch several of the vendors attending to her like she was an empress. These same vendors followed us for a long length of the wall before applying carefully cultivated pressure to buy their wares. We escaped from their guilt trip only to find ourselves in another tourist trap: the zipline. Even though it was very expensive and was over too quickly, the kids and I felt like it was money well spent. Then, we took a short boat ride to meet up with Mark and Bill who had opted for cold beverages. Back in Beijing, we had just enough time to eat dinner and clean up in Georgette’s hotel room (conveniently located across from the train station) before we got on the train to Zunyi for 36 hours!
We spent two nights and 1 full day on the train. A group of kids from Zunyi who had been sightseeing in Beijing were scattered throughout the train, but we had 6 middle school boys in our car. They loved learning American card games and especially liked Coleman. This was so good for him, since most of his life has been lived surrounded by girls. Several times, Coleman felt the need to retreat to his bunk just to get some quiet time! We had to do some ticket swapping on this train, too, but it all worked out well. We had 7 lower and middle berths, in three adjacent compartments, but really wanted to have a whole compartment with 6 berths. During a long trip like this, the lower berths are used by all people in the compartment during the day, so it would be more convenient and private. Bill noticed that an older couple had top berths, and since his own experience was still fresh in his mind, he wanted to make sure they were able to have lower berths if they wanted. We ended up doing a three way trade with some of the school age boys, who can climb in and out of upper bunks with ease. The couple was so thrilled, they insisted on giving Mark some of the food they brought for the trip and wanted to pay the small difference in fare. He felt obligated to take the food, but turned down the money. The two hardest parts about such a long train ride are the squatter toilets and eating convenience food for 4 meals, but we managed to survive.
We were so excited to arrive in Zunyi. Carolyn and her daughter June (Fang Junqin) were at the train station to greet us. Based on the Chinese favor system, her cousin once removed was also there to act as our driver. We settled into our hotel, and were then treated to a feast at a famous local restaurant. In the afternoon, we had ice cream in Carolyn’s home. June came back to our hotel to play with our kids while the adults took naps. The whole time we were in Zunyi, we had a relaxed schedule. We had dinner at a delicious hot pot restaurant and were introduced to an old high school friend who was taking three days off from work to accompany us around Zunyi.
The highlights from Day 5 included a historical tour of the sight of the Zunyi Conference where Mao Zedong rose to power. We hadn’t realized what a significant role in communism this part of China played. We had another great meal at a local specialty restaurant. Zunyi is also called “oxygen city” because of all the beautiful green space. We “hiked” up a mountain, which had over 300 stairs and a paved road. When Carolyn lived with us, all of my cooking was compared to her mother’s. When I proudly served her my version of Chinese food to her, she took one bite and said, “This is not Chinese food.” After she left, I served the same food but called it “Chinese-American food”. Knowing what a food junkie (not to be confused with the junk foodie) I am, you can imagine my anticipation when I learned we were going to Carolyn’s mother’s house for dinner! She clearly spent a lot of time preparing for our visit. She says that she only spent 2 hours cooking, but there was much more prep time involved, probably days. All the stops were pulled for this meal. There must have been 12 different dishes cooked for over 25 people! Carolyn’s family is so large and tight-knit; we even met her 1st cousin twice removed, a cute little girl who was so shy while we were there, but cried when we left! The food was pretty exotic compared to American standards, and I could easily see why Carolyn didn’t think my cooking was authentic. None of the animal is wasted and many dishes used local ingredients such as a type of grass and garden fresh or preserved vegetables. As soon as we were done eating, I was shooed away from the table, and the women (some of whom I don’t think even ate) started clearing up the evidence of the meal.
On our third day (Day 6 in total) in Zunyi, we hiked in the Yunmentun Forest. Even though it was a long drive to get to the trail head, half of our group decided to stay with the cars. Saylor and Lanie were in this group with Carolyn’s family and niece. I allowed them to stay behind, because I knew that it would be good for their language skills as well as be a chance to bond with June. We saw some amazing wildlife, and it was enjoyable for those who went. We were invited to Carolyn’s older sister’s house for dinner, which is in the same complex as her mother and father’s home. We were again humbled by the amount and variety of food that she prepared. We were treated to salted duck eggs, chicken feet and smoked pigs’ ears, among other things. All members of Carolyn’s family were extremely warm hearted toward us and generous beyond belief.
Early on Day 7, my body strongly objected to something that I had eaten or drank. I wasn’t in any pain, but I was worried about the long car ride. We were heading south to the city of Guiyang, but our day trip was 2 ½ hours past the city. The trip was slow, with many long tunnels through mountains and winding roads around rivers and valleys, but it was beautiful country. We saw small mountains with rows of corn like stair steps up the side that were obviously being hand farmed. We stopped in Anshun for lunch, but I was just looking forward to the van emptying so I could get some uninterrupted sleep. Carolyn’s husband, Fang Yen, works for the national tax bureau. Mark, Bill and the kids were treated to a feast by several of his old classmates. (We were just starting to learn that he has old classmates in every city in the province.) We finally arrived at the Huangguoshu Waterfalls. A lot of money has been invested in making this area accessible to tourists. We walked behind the massive (both wide and tall) waterfall which is the site of the famous Monkey King stories. We had planned to see this area in one day, but ended up only seeing one of the three parts. The ride back to Guiyang was long, especially knowing that we would drive the distance again the next day to finish seeing the sites. It was important to go back to Guiyang (rather than stay locally), because another of Fang Yen’s classmates had arranged a meal at a beautiful restaurant. The display of fresh food was so large, that it almost felt like a zoo. I don’t think we actually ate any alligators, sea turtles, snakes or various large creatures, but they were fun to see.
The next day, in addition to seeing more beautiful waterfalls, we got to explore some ancient caves. I tried to convince the kids that the first huge cave was the scene from the 6th Harry Potter book, but only Coleman believed me (we hadn’t seen the movie yet). The Dragon Cave was our next stop. It is famous because you enter by boat. The girls and I couldn’t help but sing “It’s a Small World” as we entered; we figured since everyone was already staring at us, we might as well give them a good reason. Even though we were at the premier tourist attractions for the region, most of these people have never seen a foreigner. Many people stopped to ask questions and take the kids’ pictures. We had the local hot pot for dinner, which was a sour soup with fish, tofu and vegetables. The taste was so familiar and delicious, but I couldn’t put my finger on it at first. It reminded me of fruit loops. After translating back and forth, and actually seeing the bottle of oil that gave the soup its flavor, we realized that it was lemon grass oil (commonly used in Thai food).
Our last day in Guiyang was very relaxed. Late in the morning, we met up with one of Fang Yen’s colleagues (who had previously treated us to dinner) and his family in the old section of Guiyang. Through his connections, we received free admission which included a tour guide. Our group of 15 had such a diverse set of interests ranging from learning history to buying souvenirs that our guide gave up on us after about 30 minutes. Yet another of Fang Yen’s colleagues and husband treated us to the biggest feast of all with so many local dishes that it looked like a freshly set table even when we were all stuffed. We returned to Zunyi for the night, preparing for our trip back to Dalian.
The original plan to get to the airport in Chongqing, three and a half hours from Zunyi, was to ride a shuttle bus. Our problem was that there was no student discount for me and the kids, making it exorbitantly expensive. Fang Yen graciously volunteered to drive us there, hoping to make it back to Zunyi in time for June’s 11th Birthday party that evening. The plan deviated again with Saylor and Bill going to Xi’an to visit the terracotta warriors while everyone else went back to Dalian.
I’ve always wanted to take a transportation vacation, and this was probably as close as I’ll ever come. We chose to take the train on the way down south for two reasons. First, it allowed us to stop and do some sightseeing in Beijing. Second, and more importantly, we could really see China as we passed from city to city. The kids were able to visualize the distance (literally and figuratively) between our lives in Dalian and our destination. By flying home, we squeaked out as much time on our trip as possible. Mark had to be to work the very next day, and our friend Michele was due to arrive in Dalian the next evening for more adventures.

Shark Death

Yes, but would the shark die?
Being sick is never fun, but its effects are exacerbated when you are unfamiliar with your surroundings, or say, hiking 2 miles to see a beautiful remote waterfall in southern China. Day 7 of our big trip started with a mad dash to the toilet at 4:30 a.m. and continued at that pace every twenty minutes or so until we loaded up the van for the 5 or 6 hour ride to the falls. I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive the ride, but I also didn’t want to be the spoiler. Luckily, with 4 kids and a smoker (our friend), stops were frequent enough. I mostly slept in the car (thanks, Benadryl!), so when we got to the falls, I felt good enough to pay the $16 admission fee and brave the heat. We hadn’t really gotten very far when I started wishing for my bed and my mommy. The scenery was beautiful; the waterfall magnificent, but I could barely focus on anything other than keeping my head up. At one point, when we were at the base of the 77 m high falls, Coleman came up to me, peppering me with “important” questions.
Coleman: “Mom, if a shark was at the top of the falls, and it fell down to the bottom, would it die?”
Me: “Coleman, honey, momma doesn’t feel very good right now.”
Coleman: “No, mom, if a shark fell down the waterfall, would it die?”
Me (audible sigh): “There would never be a shark in this water, because they live in salt water and this is fresh water.”
Coleman (getting frustrated): “I know, mom, but if a shark WAS at the top of the waterfall and it fell down to the bottom, would it die?”
Me: “Sharks live in the ocean, this is a river.”
Coleman: “YES, but would the shark die?!?!”
Me (finally realizing that the boy just needed a “yes or no” answer and then he’d leave me alone): “Yes, Coleman, the shark would die. Nothing could survive falling that far.”
Coleman processed this for a moment and then asked, “Would it bleed?”
You are now on the inside of the Neher’s newest inside joke. Coleman is always asking questions, some that are improbable, but mostly as a tool for gathering information from the world around him. It is a great way to get a glimpse inside his busy mind. He knows that his questions are always welcome, even when I’m sick or if they are on the sci-fi end of the spectrum. He also has a one track mind when it comes to equality between him and his siblings (unless it’s to his advantage, of course). Now, whenever he gets fixated on a subject, one of us just asks, “Yes, but would the shark die?”

Billy Boy

Our good friend, Bill Geister, came to visit us for 2 ½ weeks, bringing many American treats. His luggage was delayed for two days, but we were thrilled that his carry-on included enough Jello and pudding to recreate a small portion of the Great Wall. Our family thoroughly enjoyed our time with him. We have so much respect for him and his whole family, that we felt honored he would spend his time with us. We were able to do so much in the short time he was here, that by the end of his stay, we could hardly remember the beginning; it seemed like so long ago! He was very flexible about our traveling schedule, which one day found him on a day trip (to the waterfalls) within a vacation (Guiyang) within a vacation (Zunyi) within a vacation (Dalian). Because space was limited, we had to leave part of our luggage at each of the stops, dwindling it down to mere backpacks at the waterfalls. We think we picked up all of our belonging on the way back through each city, although there was a close call with a hearing aid, cell phone and a favorite blanket (not Bill’s). We also joked that Bill was the “Rainmaker”, since it greeted him at each of the stops we made on our journey, starting in Dalian! We mostly didn’t complain about the rain (except in Beijing), because it kept the weather cooler than normal, especially in southern China. We needed to get back to Dalian by Sunday night in order for Mark to get back to work and to get our home ready for our friend Michele to arrive Monday. Because Michele was coming, and Bill still had 5 days before he left, he wanted to squeak in one more trip. I didn’t feel comfortable setting him loose in China, so we compromised. Mark was able to rearrange Bill and Saylor’s flight schedules so that they stopped in Xi’an for 2 full days before coming back to Dalian. Bill was the rational adult, and Saylor had the Chinese language skills. We were hoping that two halves would make a whole, and they had a wonderful time visiting the ancient city and exploring the area of the terracotta warriors. Saylor was the natural choice to accompany Bill because she is the most willing of all our children to use her Chinese, but mostly because she and Bill have an easy relationship that is uniquely theirs. When they got home, Bill had one more day to finish up last minute shopping before he left. His comment was “if you’re not broke when you get back home, you didn’t have a good enough time”. From the weight of his suitcases, he must have had a blast!

A Total Eclipse of the Sun

Before we left Zunyi for a day trip in the mountains about a 1 ½ hour drive north, it was brought to our attention that there was a solar eclipse taking place. We found a good viewing spot between two buildings, but were concerned that all the Chinese were looking directly at it. I wasn’t sure Bill would ever get his sunglasses back because strangers kept asking to borrow them and passing them around. Between Bill and me, we remembered the proper viewing technique of using two sheets of paper (I just happened to have a small pad of paper in my purse). The object is to allow sunlight to pass through a tiny pinhole in the top paper that is projected on to the lower paper, about 12 inches apart. The shadow on the lower paper actually shows the progression of the eclipse. We attracted quite a crowd before we decided to get in the car and watch it from the road. While we were hiking, our guide (and Carolyn’s good friend) received a cell phone call saying that the sky in Zunyi had turned completely dark at the full eclipse. From our place on the road, we didn’t notice.

This Little Piggy Went to China

Before our first round of guests arrived in Dalian, I forwarded them a message from the American Consulate in China. Here is an excerpt:

This Warden Message alerts U.S. citizens to the latest information regarding human cases of 2009-H1N1 Influenza, sometimes referred to as swine flu or novel H1N1. Local Authorities have required quarantine of all arriving airline passengers who either exhibit flu-like symptoms, or who have been seated within three rows of someone who has exhibited flu-like symptoms. Those with flu-like symptoms are moved to an infectious disease hospital for H1N1 testing, while those in proximity are either held in a low-budget quarantine hotel or requested staying at home for 12-24 hours. If the results are positive, quarantine is extended to seven days.

American citizens should be aware that the U.S. Consulate General Shenyang cannot demand their immediate release if they have been detained or quarantined in accordance with local public health and legal authorities.

Please note that the Consulate General is NOT advising Americans in China to depart. At this time, the Consulate General advises that Americans review the guidance provided by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and the World Health Organization, and make their own decisions about whether to remain in China.

As scary as it sounds, none of our guests were deterred, essentially feeling their lives were meant to be lived. Although this concern can be backed up with fact, the paranoia associated with it is out of proportion. When Bill and I went to see the Beijing Acrobats, I was curious to know if we got a good deal on tickets or if we’d been swindled. As soon as we found our seats, I turned to the man next to me and asked him how much he paid. He immediately started waving me off like I was going to attack him and was looking over my shoulder at his tour leader standing behind me. I turned around for answers, assuming the man must be a foreigner who didn’t speak Chinese, and was told “he can’t speak”. Then, I watched the four people closest to me (including the waver), frantically putting on face masks. I have to admit, I was offended, even if their worries were focused at the color of Bill’s skin, not mine. Perhaps if we started coughing or sneezing, we could be four seats closer to center stage! I asked Bill to take a picture of me, but told him what I really wanted was the masked man’s mug shot. We never did find out if we’d paid more money than everyone else, but we thought it was worth every penny we spent!

As we were waiting for our flight from Chongqing back to Dalian, I noticed a Chinese cartoon was playing on all the monitors in the terminal. I was absorbed in my book, and didn’t pay any attention. Just as they called our flight to board, Addison told me it was an informational video on Swine flu. I watched in horror as they not only gave the facts about the flu, but also suggested ways to prevent it, including racial profiling. “If you see a group of Japanese tourists, stay away.” This explains why several groups of American tourists we know have had to scramble when their hotel reservations have been cancelled. Only in the last week did we hear about the large group from Eugene, OR that was quarantined for a long time.

A few months after we arrived in Dalian, Mark’s company was antsy about the bird flu, more specifically about the chance of expats contracting it from Chinese nationals. In an effort to cover their backsides, they offered the kids and I the opportunity to move (permanently) back to the US. Coupled with the fact that Mark would have to stay here and that we had only just started our adventure, we decided to stay put. When swine flu first broke in Mexico, we actually felt grateful to be in China. Mark’s company also committed to taking good care of us, in the case of an emergency. We are now finding it all too ironic that the expat community here is now the target of panic.